Millennium Falcon Smugglers Run: Exciting Interactive Teamwork Equals BIG Profits (For Hondo)
Welcome, my friends! It is I—legendary frenemy of Obi-Wan Kenobi and everyone’s favorite pirate—Hondo Ohnaka! Of course, you will probably be sad to hear I have given up my privateering ways. I am the head of Ohnaka Transport Solutions now. Very fancy. Very legal. (Mostly.)
Today, I have a mission for you: the Millennium Falcon Smugglers Run. There are big profits involved (for me) and perilous adventures ahead (for you). Sounds like a good deal, no? If that wasn’t incentive enough to join me on this venture, then feast your eyes upon your transport.
The Millennium Falcon herself! Don’t look so shocked. This beauty has been lent to me by Chewbacca under almost no duress. And you get to pilot her! What an opportunity! When you look at it that way, it’s almost like you should be paying me to join the crew…
I’m just kidding, of course! (My boundless generosity will be my downfall.)
Ohnaka Transport Solutions Headquarters
Right, well, with that settled, I better show you to the hangar.
As you can see, I set up shop here in Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge, in Hollywood Studios. There’s lots of traffic, which is good for the transport business, and more importantly, it’s not too far from the local cantina! However, all that traffic means gossip spreads at the speed of light, and that isn’t quite so good for business when you are smuggling—I mean, shipping sensitive cargo.
But that’s where you come in! You will get the shipping and delivery done for me!
Don’t mind all of the disassembled droids and spare parts lying around here. You know how it is running a business like this. Very messy. Half of it’s dealing in scrap metal, especially after your flight crews get shot down.
Ahem.
Anyway…
Behold! The Millennium Falcon, in all of her glory! The ship’s bigger in person, eh? (And a great backdrop for holo-selfies with your old pal, Hondo! Say “spice trade!”) This ship could make it through the infamous Balmorra Run—zip, zip, zip!—without a scratch. Especially in the hands of an accomplished pilot like yourself.
All I need you to do is fly to Corellia to pick up some coaxium. You know, the stuff needed for hyperspace travel, zoom zoom, and all that. Fast easy credits (the best kind). Oh, I can already them jingling in my pockets! I mean…our pockets, of course.
Let me go get the Millennium Falcon’s engines up and running. As a terribly old—I mean, classic—starship, she’ll need a bit to warm up. We’ll give her about an hour. Maybe more. Maybe less, if we’re lucky. She seems to take less time to get going in the evenings.
Preparing for Take-Off
Ah, finally! The Millennium Falcon is all warmed up and purring away, happier than a Loth cat. Brings back memories of my pet monkey-lizard, Mukmuk…
Now, before I let you climb aboard, you will have to be assigned a position. Not everyone can be a pilot, after all! This will be a team effort between you and my other perfectly willing recruits—six of you, in total. Two will navigate as pilots, two more will operate the systems as engineers, and the last pair will defend the Falcon as her gunners. (You may squabble amongst yourselves like a pack of wamprats for the pilot’s seat, and I will wait over here with a tall glass of Jabba Juice.)
You’ve no experience in flying, engineering, or being a gunner you say? That is of no concern to Hondo. As long as you are taller than a Jawa (about 38 inches) and don’t get terribly motion sick, you will be fine! Oh, but Hondo does require you to know how to keep your mouth shut. No blabbing about the Millennium Falcon Smugglers Run on the holo-net, you hear?
My mother always used to tell me, “Hondo, you don’t survive in the Outer Rim by being stupid!” That is not the kind of lesson you take with you to your grave, it is the kind that keeps you out of it. So, remember it!
Millennium Falcon Smugglers Run
(I Mean Shipping Run)
If you’ve finished your game of holo-chess and are done gawking at all the places where Han Solo used to stand, it’s about time to embark on the mission. While I won’t be going with you in person, I will remain in contact the entire time. I want to make sure the shipment, I mean, my shipmates, is perfectly safe. After all, if there is one thing you can always count on, it is a pirate’s loyalty. (That and their penchant for lying.)
Just follow my instructions for calibrating the ship, and you’ll be ready for take-off. But if you decide to be insolent and disregard what I say, I just might have Chewbacca give you instructions instead! I have no time for unruly pirates.
All right, time for take-off! You can see Batuu falling away beneath you—now, once you’re clear of the asteroids, make the jump to lightspeed! Yes, pilots, that is your job!
Most people think that being the pilot is the best job, with front row seats to all of the action, but you also have the responsibility for how the ship moves. The left pilot handles the horizontal controls, and the right pilot takes care of up and down (and the hyperspace jump). If an engineer gets sick because it’s been a bumpy ride, it’s your fault! Can you handle that kind of pressure? Well, too late to think about that now.
Gunners! You’re up! TIE-fighters incoming. Take them down before they take you (and my profits) down! You can select automatic or manual targeting, but remember, accuracy is important for a successful mission, so be careful which buttons you press. Nice job. Those explosions are more beautiful than the sunsets back on Florrum.
Engineers, mash those flashing controls to stabilize the Millennium Falcon from any damage we’ve taken! Your job is generally underrated, I know, but you’ve got a nice view and it’s very important. (We don’t want to have to pay Chewbacca for repairs, now, do we?)
There, up ahead, you’ll see the train carrying the coaxium shipment! You just need to pick it up. Yes, while the train is still moving! That’s just being efficient, and Ohnaka Transport Solutions is all about efficiency. No stopping means faster delivery times and better fuel mileage! (“Highway robbery?” Well, that is a rather harsh term for it, but not necessarily incorrect, my astute friend.)
Now, head back to Batuu with the coaxium, and we’ll discuss your cut of the payment based upon your score—which I’ll calculate based on how many TIEs you shot down, how much coaxium you managed to steal (I mean, pick up), and any damages to the Millennium Falcon.
What a surprise! I mean, I am truly flabbergasted, but it looks like I am getting the most credits. I hope there are no hard feelings. And remember, Ohnaka Transport Solutions is the answer to all of your transportation needs! (Much better than that silly PeopleMover.)
Until next time, my friends!
What’s your favorite position on the Millennium Falcon Smugglers Run? And do you think Hondo should take over as full-time MouseEars TV Creative Editor?? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover Image
Photo: Sergey Galyonkin via Flickr
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